No Need For KidK!
by KidKourage
Summary: It's almost time for KidK to leave for college, and Dib gets the bright idea to throw her a going away party! Now it's up to Zim to keep her out of the house by...taking her on a date?! PG for 'Nny's gruesome antics. All done!
1. The Date (or not)

No Need For KidK!

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

Part 1--The Date…I Mean, Not-A-Date-Nothing-Like-A-Date-Who-Said-Date?  Ahahaha…

          So, what's up with all you fanfiction people?  Me, I'm havin' more fun than one person should be able to have and not explode from all the joy and glee.  The only way things could get better would be if I were already queen of the universe and not just in the planning stages of my conquest…wait, you weren't supposed to know about that…now I must kill you all!  Well, no, not really.  I'm not the homicidal sort.  But instead I think I shall torture you with my fanfiction!  Wahahahahaaaaa!  By the time you're finished reading this you won't be able to put a coherent sentence together, so powerful is the madness I am about to unfold.  And now for some more evil laughter!  Watch me as I go:  Mwahahahahaaaaaa!  *coughhackcough*  OK, enough of that, I suppose.

This is a lovely story that has been driving me insane in the recesses of my not-quite-stable mind for some time now.  In fact, I've been planning this fic out ever since I first decided to make a series of SIs.  I hope it turned out OK.  Anyways, this is the final story in the octet about Summer 2001.  After this, KidK's gonna be in college.  Weep for her.  Oh, and this Part starts on August 26, which is a Saturday.  I don't own August 26, or anything else in this story.

The scene is the Membrane house!  Wow, I don't think I've _ever_ started a fic here, have I?  Anyways, our boy Dib is making a call you'd probably never expect him to make, and the person he's calling _certainly_ doesn't expect to ever receive a call from him.  Let's listen in, shall we?  I mean, you kinda have to, since this sequence is the whole basis for the rest of this chapter…

Dib (muttering angrily):  Come on, pick up!  Pick _up_!  Pick--oh, hello Mr….KidK's Dad.  It's Dib.  (pause) No, no, not for KidK.  Can I talk to Zim, please?  (pause) No, I'm not insane.  (long pause) Why would _I_ know where he is?  Maybe KidK knows.  (pause) Hey, KidK, I need to talk to Zim.  Can you get him for me?  (pause)  No, really!  I want to talk to him!  (reeeeely long pause) Hello, _Zim_.

Zim (on the other end--duh):  What do _you_ want, Dib-monkey?  I should be plotting your planet's _demise_, not wasting my time talking to _you_.

Dib:  Yeah, sure, uh huh, whatever.  Listen, I'm calling because I need you to do me a favor.

Zim:  _What_?!  As human females are fond of saying, 'As _if_!'

Dib:  No, wait, just hear me out, OK?  It's not really for me.  It's for KidK.  Wait, she's not standing there listening, is she?

Zim:  Yeah, she's here.  (to KidK)  Go away!  I'm having a private conversation here!  (to Dib)  Alright, you, you've got one minute to explain yourself.  What could you _possibly_ need from me that involves KidK?

Dib:  Well, you know how she's leaving for college next Thursday?

Zim:  Yes, yes, she's been making a big deal out of 'oh, it's my last week at home' lately.  What of it?

Dib:  See, I thought it'd be nice if we all threw her a going away party Tuesday night.  So KidK can stay up late and have fun one last time before she goes to skool.  I already talked to Mike yesterday and he thinks it's a good idea, and of course Gir wants to have a party, and Gaz…well, Gaz'll come as long as she can play her Game Boy.

Zim:  That sounds reasonable.  I'm sure she'll love it, since she has a tendency to like things like that.  But what do you want from _me_?

Dib:  Well…I was thinking that _you_ should be the one to keep KidK out of the house for a few hours while Gaz and Gir and Mike and I set everything up.

Zim:  So this party will be taking place _here_?

Dib:  Yeah…I thought we could have it in your so-called secret lab.  I mean, you're always bragging about how _massive_ and _cool_ it is, so it'll be the perfect party hall and--

Zim:  No _way_!  There's not a chance in the _universe_ that I'd allow my greatest enemy to wander around in my _lab_!

Dib:  But it's the only way!  KidK'll get suspicious if you bring her _here_!

Zim:  Yes…she _is_ a clever one…she'd likely figure it out.  I suppose you _have_ got me there, stink beast.  Very well.  You may set up the party in my lab…but rest assured that I will have upgraded my security significantly by then.  You will not be allowed access to anything but the top level, and if you touch anything you're not supposed to you'll be vaporized in an _instant_!  

Dib (a tad annoyed):  Hey, this isn't about _you_, Zim, it's about KidK.  I want to do something nice for _her_, since she's my _friend_.  I'm not out to get _you_ this time.

Zim:  Oh, whatever you say, Dib.

Dib:  Now, about getting KidK out of the house.  Can you come up with a plan so she won't suspect anything?  You're really not good at that kind of thing.

Zim:  Shut your noise tube!  I have created a plan _already_!  An _amazing_ plan!  I will simply ask KidK if she would like to consume a meal with me at a restaurant on Tuesday night!  Then perhaps we will view a film!  She will be delighted with my invitation, and thus will be kept out of your hair for several hours!  

Dib:  Heh heh…you mean you're going to ask her out on a _date_?

Zim:  I know not of this '_date_,' Dib-monkey, but your tone suggests that it is _not_ a good thing.

Dib:  You don't know what a _date_ is?!  What did you _study_ before coming here?  A date is when two people go out and have fun together because they _loooooove_ each other.

Zim:  Well in _that_ case this will certainly not be a date.  It will merely be me asking KidK to accompany me to some places.

Dib:  Yeah, whatever.  Heh.  Well, make sure that she's gone from…oh, let's say 5:00 to 8:30, OK?

Zim:  Three and a half _hours_?  What are we supposed to do for three and a half hours?!  

Dib:  I'm sure you'll think of something…heheh…_romantic_…

Zim:  Shut up!  When this is all over I shall destroy you!

Dib:  Wahahahahaaaaaa!  (he hangs up on Zim and looks around)  Now to plan out this party.  Oh, she'll be so surprised!  (yelling)  Gaz!  Do you know where Dad keeps the crepe paper?

Gaz (yelling back):  In the closet under the stairs!  But it's really old!  And probably radioactive from being stored next to the plutonium!

Dib:  Well, it's time to put it to good use.

Meanwhile, back at KidK's house, Zim is having a hard time convincing KidK that…

Zim:  No, it's not a date, you crazy girl!

KidK (teasingly):  Hmmmm…I _wonder_…No, I'm just kidding.  It'll be fun to go out to dinner and a movie with you.  We can see something really stupid and MST it!  So, where do you want to eat?

Zim:  I'm taking you, so you get to pick.

KidK:  Wow, something must _really_ be up with you, Zim.  Are you _keeping_ something from me?

Zim:  Er…no.

KidK:  Feeling _guilty_ about something I haven't found _out_ about yet?

Zim:  No!  I'm just trying to be…ugh…nice.  I mean, in a few days you'll be gone and…

KidK (triumphantly):  And you'll _miss_ me!

Zim:  No, of course not, why would I miss…(he thinks for a second)  Wait, that's it!

KidK (confused--as usual):  What's it?

Zim:  I'll miss you!  And so, I want to spend some time with you before you leave!  It's not a date, it's a farewell dinner!

KidK:  Hey, it's not like I'm a GI going away to war or anything…I'll be home every weekend.  

Zim (he's faking):  Oh, but nevertheless I shall miss you terribly!  So please, choose your favorite restaurant and I'll be all too happy to escort you there.

KidK (a little freaked out):  O…kayyyyy…um…how about ChiChi's?  I like Mexican food.

Zim:  I have never been there, but if that is your selection I will be glad to go.

KidK:  OK, now you're overdoing it.  So, when should we go?

Zim:  Tuesday at 4:55.

KidK:  Wow, that's precise!  Are you _sure_ you're not plotting something?

Zim:  No!  I mean yes!  I mean…yes I'm sure that no I'm not plotting anything!

KidK (raising an eyebrow):  Suuuuuure.  I'll play along.  So on Tuesday at 4:55 we're going to go to ChiChi's, am I right?

Zim:  Right.

KidK:  Fine, then!  (without thinking)  You've got yourself a date!

Zim:  No I don't it's not a date I never said it was!

KidK:  It's just a figure of speech, Zimmy.  Heehee!  ^_^

And so the days passed.  Dib worked hard to try and get hold of some party supplies that wouldn't glow in the dark, and Mike-the-Brother persuaded his Mom and Dad that it was a good idea to go visit the Yankee Candle Factory in Connecticut on Tuesday.  Gir hunted through his 'Mommy's' wide array of recipes to find the perfect formula for cake, and Gaz…well, as a matter of fact Gaz went shopping.  But you can't know for what yet.  Zim was very busy putting the finishing touches on…something…and so was Dib.  And Mike vanished into his room for hours on end, to work on something 'private.'  And Gir burst out in fits of giggles whenever KidK was around.  And 'Nny…well, who _knows_ what _he_ got up to.  Probably something messy.  All the while KidK got more and more suspicious of her friends' behavior, but she decided not to say anything, and to let them have their fun, even though she suspected that they were planning to pull some kind of elaborate prank on her.  Finally, Tuesday came, and KidK got dressed to go out with her bestest friend Zim.  Look!  She's wearing a nice outfit of a long black skirt and a pretty short-sleeved gray sweater!

KidK (eyeing her reflection critically):  Hmmmm…well, I suppose this'll have to do.  Why should I suddenly start caring about how I dress?  I mean, it's only dinner…and a movie…oh, who cares!

She stomps out of her room and down the hall, turning the corner to go downstairs and collect Zim.  She enters the lab and strides over to the console, where Zim is playing solitaire with a very bored look on his face--KidK's been keeping him waiting for quite some time.

KidK:  Ready to go?

Zim (shocked):  **_KidK_**?!  Are you wearing a **_skirt_**?!

KidK (a bit resentfully):  Yes.  Why?

Zim:  Oh, no reason.  It's just that the only other time I've ever seen you in a skirt was for your graduation, and _that_ was a special occasion.

KidK (mock sarcasm):  Are you suggesting that I got dressed up because I think going somewhere with _you_ is _special_?

Zim (real anger):  Why wouldn't it be?  You are so ungrateful!  Here I am, wanting to do something nice for you, and already you start making fun of me!

KidK:  OK, OK, I was just kidding.  Don't get all bent out of shape.  Let's go have fun now.

Zim (accusingly):  Fun in a _skirt_.

KidK:  Oh, would you come _on_?  Forget the skirt!

She drags him out to the car and they drive off in the direction of ChiChi's, which is near the Moorestown mall--about twenty minutes away.  They leave not a moment too soon, for shortly after Dib and Gaz arrive at the house.  Dib's weighted down by several large boxes, while Gaz is carrying only her Game Boy, as usual.  She rings the bell and is greeted by Gir.

Gir:  Hiiiiiii, guys!  Come on in!

Dib (all tired out--awwww…):  Where's…the lab?  I need…to put this down…before my spine breaks…(there is a cracking sound)  OK, it just did…no hurry now…

Gir:  Right this way, Dibby!  (he takes his two pals down the elevator)  Master says you can set up in this room, but that I have to (he imitates Zim's stern admonition) 'keep an eye on you.'  So go ahead and put things up!  I'll be right back…I'm baking the cake!  (he scurries back over to the elevator and heads upstairs)

Dib:  If he's supposed to be _watching_ us, then why…?

Gaz:  Who cares?  Let's just decorate this place.  (she looks around at the all-metal décor)  Man, Zim has no taste whatsoever.

Dib:  I don't know.  I kind of like it.

Gaz:  That's because you're a techno freak just like Zim!

Dib:  Hey, I'm nothing like Zim!  He's…(he waves his hands expansively in an effort to express his sentiments)…crazy!

Gaz:  Whatever, Mr. Science.

Mike-the-Brother (stepping out of the elevator):  I've got the folding table!  Let's _do_ this thing!

And with that the three got ready for KidK's super spectacular surprise shindig (I like alliteration, don't you?).  Meanwhile, at the ChiChi's restaurant in Moorestown…

Zim (trying to understand):  OK, so a burrito is meat, cheese, and various vegetables wrapped up in a tortilla, an enchilada just has the meat and vegetables inside but has cheese on top, and fajitas have whatever combination you want because you put them together yourself.  Is that right?

KidK (laughing):  Right.  Basically it's all pretty much the same.  I've had almost everything on the menu at least once, and it's all good.  I like the chimichangas and quesadillas best.

Zim:  Chimi…whats?

KidK:  Chimichanga.  It's kinda like a burrito only the stuff isn't wrapped up as tight and it's in a more floury shell rather than a tortilla.  It's got a whole lotta cheese.  I like cheese…

Her reverie about all things queso is interrupted by a large, extremely hairy man wearing the uniform of ChiChi's waiters everywhere--a bright purple shirt with the restaurant logo on the pocket, and black dress pants that, on him, are at least two sizes too small.

Bob the Waiter (as if reading an invisible script):  Hi, welcome to ChiChi's.  I'm Bob and I'll be your server this evening.  Can I start you off with a drink?  (he picks up the drink menu and points)  We have a special on strawberry daiquiris this week, and you also might want to try our 'El Presidente,' which is tequila with a lemon twist.

KidK:  Um…we're not old enough to drink.

Bob the Waiter (staring blankly--this isn't in the script):  Oh…OK.  Then what do you want?

KidK:  Diet Coke.

Zim:  I suppose the same for me.

Bob the Waiter:  Alright, I'll put that order right in.  (he moves to leave, but is stopped by KidK)

KidK:  Can we give you our appetizer order now too?  You know, so we don't have to wait as long.

Bob the Waiter:  Sure, I guess.

KidK:  How about some cheese nachos.  Oh, and can we have the jalapeños on the side?

Bob the Waiter:  OK, I'll bring that right away.  (he trudges off to that place where waiters go when they're not serving you)

KidK:  Well, once again we get one of the lame waiters.

Zim:  Is that the normal state of affairs at this establishment?

KidK:  Unfortunately, yeah.  In fact, that's the main reason why you've never been here before.  The last few times my parents have brought us, we've had such bad service that they don't really ever want to come anymore.  (she looks over at another table, where the waiter has a big smile on his face and is enthusiastically pointing out his favorite selections to the customers)  Why couldn't we get Ron?

Zim:  Ron?  Who is this Ron?

KidK:  That waiter guy over there.  We had him once and he was awesome!  Like the best waiter ever!  But we've never gotten one of his tables since.  At least he's still working here, so there's always the chance.  (note: based on reality--Ron is a real ChiChi's waiter…I don't own him, but I wish we could get served by him every time!)

Zim:  Well, if _our_ waiter guy gives us trouble, you can rest assured that I'll take care of it.  Other than that, I must say it seems as though you've made a good choice, KidK.

KidK:  Oh, I love this place!  Just listen to the music!

They listen to the cheesy Mexican music for a moment.  At ChiChi's there's a constant soundtrack that consists of fast dance tunes played by what sounds like mariachi bands, and slow love or loss-of-love songs with lots of violins.  It's fun to try to figure out what the singers are saying!

Zim:  Um…this is that…_other_ language you know, right?

KidK (proudly):  Yup!  I've got four years of Spanish under my belt!

Zim:  So, tell me.  What are these humans yelling so enthusiastically about?

KidK:  Well…(she works it out in her head)  The guy is saying that he loves the girl, and that he wants to be with her forever, but the girl is telling him that there's no chance.  

Zim:  Why do they sound so _happy_ about it?  Don't you people usually get all weepy and depressed about such things?

KidK:  I don't know.  Mexican music is like that.  Oh, here's our nachos!

Bob the Waiter (with no feeling whatsoever):  Here are your drinks…(he sets the two sodas down) and your nachos.  

KidK:  Sweet!

Bob the Waiter:  I'll give you a few more minutes to look over the menu…(he begins to back away--there's probably a margarita with his name on it back in the staff room)

KidK:  No wait!  We know what we want already!  You all set, Zim?

Zim:  Sure.  I think I'll try this chimichanga thing.

Ron the Waiter:  With beef, chicken, or seafood?

Zim:  Beef, I suppose.  Yes…humans take pleasure in eating cow meat…and I am a normal human just like you, Mr. Bob.

Bob the Waiter (a little unnerved):  Uh, sure.  And for the lady?

KidK:  I'll have a chicken chimi.  

Bob the Waiter:  Great.  (he carefully writes this down and then walks away without further ado)

KidK (sarcastically):  Thanks!

Zim:  Huh.  He called you 'lady.'  What's _that_ supposed to mean?

KidK:  They probably tell them to say that.  It's supposed to be respectful.  Unlike _some_ Irkens I know who always call me 'beast girl.'  

Zim:  I never do that anymore!  Well…except when you anger me!

KidK (laughing):  I know, I know.  I'm just foolin' with you.  You know…this is really nice.  It was so sweet of you to ask me on this not-a-date.

Zim:  Yeah, well…you know…(he's itching to change the subject)  Oh, we'd better consume these nachos before they get cold!

KidK:  Yeah, nachos rock!

They eat the nachos, which as usual are very tasty.  At about this time, somewhere in Connecticut…

KidK's Mom:  Well, here we are at the Yankee Candle Factory!  I can't wait to collect all the new scents!

KidK's Dad:  Which will likely cost many, _many_ cents.  As many cents as are in a weeks paycheck, I'll wager.

KidK's Mom:  Now, honey, have a better attitude.  We didn't come all the way up here just to _look_, now did we?

KidK's Dad:  Come to think of it, why _did_ we come up here?

KidK's Mom:  Because Mike said that he and Missy's little friends were throwing Missy a party and they didn't want to bother us with their loud music.

KidK's Dad:  So instead they sent us to another state.  What are we going to _do_ with those kids?

KidK's Mom:  Well, it's nice of them to send Missy off.  Now let's go check out the display of votives!  I want to make my own assortment!

KidK's Dad:  Huh. Wish _I_ could have a party…that girl doesn't know how lucky she is.

Back at the ChiChi's!

KidK:  Achoo!  Hmmm, somebody must be talking about me.  (Aren't Japanese superstitions fun?)

Zim (worried):  Oh, no, I'm sure no one's speaking of you in any way and they're certainly not talking about your impending journey to college and how they won't see you all the time and how they want to send you off in a festive manner!  Ahahaha…

KidK (playing dumb):  I have no _idea_ what you're talking about.

Zim (relieved):  Oh…good.

Bob the Waiter:  Uh…here's your entrees.  That's a chicken chimi for you, miss, and a beef chimi for you.  Do either of you need refills on your drinks?

KidK:  No, thanks.

Bob the Waiter:  OK.  (he exits hurriedly before KidK can ask for anything else)

KidK:  *sniff*  I'm _so_ happy…I luv you, chimi.

Zim:  Okay, let's try this thing.  (he cuts off a piece of the chimichanga and puts it in his mouth) 

KidK (happily chewing):  Good, eh?

Zim:  …………*gulp*  (he has an odd look on his face for a few seconds, and then…)  Ohmytallestit'shot!  My throat is on fire!  Yiiieeeeeee!

KidK:  Oh no!  Quick, take a drink!

Bob the Waiter (to the—ahem—rescue):  Whoa, man, I'll save you!

Bob dashes over and dumps a pitcher of water on the screaming Zim, since he apparently took the statement about the poor Irken's throat being on fire literally.  Needless to say, this only makes things worse.

Zim:  Aaaargh!  What have you _done_?!  Oh, the pain!

KidK:  Somebody get me some napkins, _now_!

Ron the Waiter (he's so cool):  Here's some, miss.

KidK grabs the napkins and immediately begins trying to dry off her friend.  Gradually the paper absorbs most of the water, and Zim can calm down.

Zim:  What…_was_ that…stuff?  

KidK:  It was seasoned beef.  I should've warned you that it'd be spicy.  I'm so sorry, Zimmy.  It's all my fault.  We should get you home right away and make sure you're alright.  Come on.

Zim (glancing at his chronometer—only 6:13):  Oh, no…no…I'm fine!  See?  All dry now.  

KidK:  But what about the food?  What will you eat instead?

Zim:  Look, there's a whole basket of free corn chips!  That's enough for me, really!

KidK:  Are you sure?  Because I don't mind if you want to go home.

Zim (a little too forcefully):  _No_!  We can't go home _yet_!  We still have to go to the movie theater!

KidK:  OK, if you say so…

At about this time, over at house number 777, everyone's favorite homicidal maniac was just getting ready to begin a little adventure of his own.  

'Nny (setting down his pen):  Well, that ought to do it.  (he picks up his work and eyes it critically)  I wish I could've made this better…if only I had more time…but soon she'll be gone and I won't get another chance and--why am I talking to myself?  Anyway, now to go make some copies!

He carefully places several sheets of paper (what are they?) into a manila folder and strides out the door to walk over to Staples.  As he passes the house next to his, there is the sound of its front door being slammed in a rather theatrical fashion, and he looks over to see his little pal Todd Casil (aka Squee) standing on his doorstep, clutching his teddy bear, Shmee.

Mr. Casil (in the window):  And don't come back until you're old enough to support _yourself_, you little…_dependent_!  

Mrs. Casil (high as usual):  Who was that at the door, dear…?  

Squee (forlornly):  Now I have to sleep in the shed again…come on, Shmee, let's go see if the rats have moved out yet.

'Nny (happy to see his friend):  Hiya, Squeegee!  

Squee (thinking):  _Oh, no, not the crazy neighbor man…No, Shmee, we **can't** run away.  He's **fast**._  Um, hello.

'Nny:  That jerk father of yours giving you trouble again?  You know, I could _do_ something about that, if you like.

Squee (hurriedly):  Oh, no, no, that's OK.  He doesn't mean it when he says he wishes I would implode…or get hit by the skoolbus…

'Nny:  Well, since you're stuck out here anyway, wanna go to Staples with me?

Squee pictures Staples, which is full of sharp office supplies, and imagines what could possibly--make that _probably_--happen if Johnny gets hold of any of them.  It isn't pretty.

Squee:  I don't know if that's a good idea.  Shmee says it's dangerous to go places with you.

'Nny:  Aw, come on!  It'll be fun!  (he grabs Squee's arm and drags him off down the street to Staples)

Meanwhile, at the Loew's Theater in Moorestown, KidK and Zim are currently viewing the animated movie 'Osmosis Jones.'  

KidK:  Cartoons are so much fun!  Yee, check out the villain guy!  Cooool!

Zim:  You and your cartoon villains…I can't even tell what's going _on_ in this movie.  Once minute it's animated and the next it's not!

KidK:  Oh, that's because the part with Bill Murray is supposed to be like real life, while the other part is taking place inside of the crazy world that is his body.

Zim (horrified):  I had no _idea_ humans had cartoon blobby things running around and driving cars inside their carcasses!  No _wonder_ you're all insane!

KidK:  It's just a movie, Zimmy.  In real life people's innards are more…gross.

The scene involving…well…_snot_ occurs.

KidK:  I stand corrected.

Zim:  Yes, you do.

KidK:  Anyway, you should _like_ this movie!  It's all about someone trying to invade a place and destroy it!

Zim:  But of _course_ the good guys are going to _stop_ him.  That's how human movies _work_.  Apparently you people think that conquest is a _bad_ thing.

KidK:  No, we only think conquest is a bad thing when _we're_ the ones being _conquered_.  (something else disgusting occurs on screen)  Oh, ew, what is _up_ with that guy?  What a _slob_!

Zim:  Somehow, eating all those Butterfinger BBs doesn't seem like it was such a smart thing to do, now.

A little while later:

Zim:  OK, why does that Ozzie guy think anyone's going to be fooled by that disguise?  He's blue, and the other…germy guys are green!

KidK:  It's for plot development.  And I think the germs are stupid.

Zim:  But what about the villain?  What's-his-name…Thrax.  He doesn't seem like a _total_ moron.

KidK:  Like I said, it's necessary to the plot that the good guy find out about the bad guy's evil scheme.  So the bad guy won't notice something's wrong until he's already spilled his guts about the details of his plan.  That's just how movies go.

Zim:  And all you humans _know_ that?

KidK:  Yes…

Zim:  But if you already know _everything_ that's going to happen in _every_ movie, _why_ do you flock to the theaters in droves?

KidK:  Hmmmm…maybe we _are_ all insane…

Zim:  By the way, is there really something called a Buffalo Wing Festival on this planet?  (note: rent the movie!)

KidK:  Not that I know of, but since there's a Moon Pie Festival every year in some Midwestern state, a Buffalo Wing Festival isn't entirely out of the question.

Zim:  Let's just make sure Gir doesn't find out about this.  

KidK:  OK.  By the way, we left Gir all alone with Mike, didn't we?  I mean, after Mom and Dad mysteriously decided to go all the way to Connecticut…are you sure those two will be alright by themselves?

Zim:  How old is your brother?  14?  (note:  he's 15 now, but his b-day is in October)  He can take care of himself.

KidK:  But can he take care of _Gir_?

Zim pictures Gir rampaging through the house, basically laughing maniacally and destroying everything in sight.  Mike-the-Brother is curled up in a corner, weeping uncontrollably.

Zim:  I'm sure everything will be fine!  

KidK:  I hope so.  Because if Mom and Dad come home to find that they've been having some kind of wild party they'll be upset.

Zim (hurriedly):  Party?  Who said anything about a party?  No way they're having a party of any kind whatsoever.  No parties going on tonight!  No way, no how.  Oh, look, something suspenseful is happening in the movie!  Who _knew_ that the virus guy wouldn't die?

KidK (happily waving her hand):  Me!  I did, I did!  There's still at _least_ a half-hour left in the movie, so the plot dictates that all the good guys will assume the bad guy is dead, so he can go wreak some havoc.  Then I'll bet only Ozzie realizes Thrax isn't gone, and he'll probably hafta go it alone on a heroic quest to stop the evil virus.

Man Behind KidK:  Well, thanks a lot for giving away the ending!

Zim:  She didn't give away the ending.  The entire _plot_ up to this point gives away the ending.

Man Behind KidK:  Well, shut up anyway!

Zim:  Now you listen here, you pathetic monkey!  _Nobody_ talks to KidK like that while _I'm_ around!

Man Behind KidK:  Oh, she your _girlfriend_ or something?

Zim:  No.  Of _course_ not.  Did I say KidK?  I mean, nobody talks to the supreme conqueror _Zim_ like that!

Uh oh, Zim's causing trouble.  Let's go find a more peaceful, uncontroversial plot, shall we?  'Nny and Squee should be finishing up at Staples by now…

Copy Machine Dictator:  Here ya go, man.  That'll be sixty cents.

'Nny:  Oooo, cheap!  (he rummages around in his pockets for change)

Copy Machine Dictator:  You an artist, man?

'Nny:  Kind of.  I make comics.

Copy Machine Dictator:  Oh.  Cool.  You giving this to somebody?

'Nny:  A girl I know.  Now where did I put those pennies…?

Copy Machine Dictator (grinning lewdly):  Your _girlfriend_?

'Nny (looking up from his search for pennies):  No.  Why would you say that?  (he doesn't wait for an answer)  Because you think the only reason I'd be giving a girl a present is so she'll want to go _out_ with me or something?  Which would inevitably, in your perverted mind, lead to…_other_ things?!

Squee:  Uh oh.  Yeah, Shmee I think now _would_ be a good time to hide behind the Scotch Tape display.  

'Nny:  You sicko!  Missy would _never_…oh, you'd never understand!  How _can_ you, with society forever throwing its twisted messages at you?  You can't _possibly_ comprehend the beauty of innocence, with all that _evil_ in your mind!  (he grins fiendishly as he grabs a letter opener off a nearby display)  Here.  Let me cut that sickness out of your brain.  (he vaults over the counter and pins the Copy Machine Dictator to the wall)  Of course, as with any self-help plan, you'll probably experience some extreme discomfort.  But, as they say, 'no pain, no gain,' right?

Did I say that this plot was peaceful and uncontroversial?  Well, I was wrong.  You can never quite be sure, with 'Nny, can you?  Anyways, he does his thang, in his usual bloody fashion, and soon after he and Squee begin their journey home.

'Nny:  See, I told you we'd have fun.

Squee (he's traumatized):  …………………

'Nny:  Oh no!  I forgot to ask if there was anything _you_ wanted from the store!  How impolite of me.  Um…here, you can have this.  (he hands Squee the letter opener, which is of course caked with drying bodily fluids)

Squee (staring at the blade in his hands):  …………._Nooooooooooooooo_!!

Squee flings the letter opener to the sidewalk and takes off like a shot, screaming the whole time.

'Nny:  Sweet kid.  A little excitable, though.  Well, I'd better go clean up before I go over to Missy's place.  I doubt her mom would want me tracking blood into the house…I'm talking to myself again!  Aargh, what's _wrong_ with me?

Well, that concludes Johnny's little excursion, so let's find out what Dib and the others are up to!

Dib:  There's not enough electrical outlets in this place!  Where am I supposed to plug this in?  (he holds up a fat extension cord angrily)  Stupid Zim and his stupid lab!  How can he do anything without at least 50 outlets?!

Mike-the-Brother:  You have 50 outlets in your lab?  That's impossible!

Dib:  Not for a super genius like me!

Gaz:  Dib, you _know_ Dad installed those outlets back when your lab was _his_ lab.  You just _inherited_ them when he built the new level under the _house_!

Mike-the-Brother:  So much for super genius.

Dib:  But that doesn't solve the problem of where I can plug this in!  If I don't hook it up soon, it'll never get cold in time!  (hmmm, wonder what this could be…)

Gaz:  Hey, _genius_, why don't you just unplug something else?  Duh!

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah, how about this one?  (he points at a very complicated looking machine)

Dib (shrugging):  Why not?  Oh, but wait.  Zim said if we touch any of his stuff we'll be vaporized.

Mike-the-Brother:  No problem.  Oh, Gir?

Gir looks up from his current project--trying to make paper link-chains.  Needless to say, he's a gluey mess.

Gir:  Yeeeeees, Mikey?

Mike-the-Brother:  Gir, we need you to do something very important for us.  The completion of our mission depends on it!

Gir (going red):  Yes, sir!  What task can I do for you?

Mike-the-Brother:  Just unplug that machine over there and plug this cord into it.

Gir:  I will complete your orders!

Gir takes the cord from Dib and strides purposefully over to the machine.  He yanks its cord from the wall.  Dib and Mike throw themselves to the floor, awaiting impending explosions or something similar.  Nothing happens.  Gir plugs in the cord and comes back over to his friends.

Gir:  I have carried out my function!  (he fades back to blue)  Now I've gotta hurry and make confetti!  Watch out, paper!  Me and my skizzers are coming after you!  (note:  scissors, spelled as said)

Dib:  I don't get it.  Zim said--

Mike-the-Brother:  He was just trying to scare you.  Anyway, he was too busy working on KidK's present to do anything with his security system.

Dib:  He made a present for KidK too?

Mike-the-Brother:  What did you expect?  He's good at building things…sciencey things.

Dib:  Not as good as me!  Do you know what it was?

Mike-the-Brother:  No.  But whatever it was it'll _never_ top _that_. (he points at the…thing that Dib was trying to plug in)  KidK will go ape when she sees it.

Dib:  You think?

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah, it's 10,000 times better than what _I_ made her.

Dib:  You too?  Man, I thought I was being original!

Gaz:  Looks like I'm the only one who went out and bought something.  I guess that makes me the only creative one here.

Gir:  Oh, I hope Missy likes my present as good as she likes yours!  Now where's that glitter paint?

Gir + glitter paint = disaster waiting to happen.  Oh, well, it's Zim's lab, right, so he's going to have to be the one to clean it up.  At any rate, the appointed time of 8:30 is now only forty-five minutes away.  'Osmosis Jones' has come to a predictable conclusion as movies almost always do (with the exception of 'The Sixth Sense' and, to a small degree, 'Shrek').  KidK and Zim are now exiting Loew's Theater and walking to the car.  Well, KidK's walking anyway.  Zim's kind of limping.

Zim:  Stupid ape monster!  Ruining the movie for everyone!  Let's find his car and detonate it!

KidK:  Nah, I can't afford a lawsuit right now, on account of I'm unemployed.  Speaking of which, where in the world did you get the money to pay for tonight?

Zim:  Remember that bet I had with your brother that there's no liquid form of carbon dioxide?

KidK:  Yeah, Mike was really adamant that every substance has to be able to exist in every phase.  So?

Zim:  Well, let's just say that he got an important lesson in basic chemistry and I got fifty bucks.

KidK:  Mike had fifty _dollars_ to bet with?  I don't believe it!

Zim:  Believe or disbelieve as you wish, but that's how I bought your dinner and movie ticket.

KidK:  So, what should we do now?

Zim:  How long does it take to get home?

KidK:  Like twenty minutes.  _If_ we catch all the red lights.

Zim:  In that case we can't go home yet.

KidK (suspiciously):  Why?

Zim:  Because…(he thinks fast)  Because we have to go to the mall!

KidK:  For what?

Zim:  For…well, you'll see!

KidK:  Alright, I guess since it's just across the highway…

Want to find out what KidK's parents are doing?  You probably don't, but I control this fic and therefore I dictate that you _must_ find out!  Well, I suppose you could scroll down, but that's no fun.  Just read, OK?

KidK's Mom:  Do you think I got enough 'Home Sweet Home' scented candles?

KidK's Dad:  You got one of every size.  That's enough, in my book.

KidK's Mom:  OK, now let's move on to the food scented kinds.

KidK's Dad:  *groan*  You aren't going to buy both 'Buttercream' and 'Birthday Cake' even though they smell exactly the same _again_, are you?

KidK's Mom:  Hey, it's either that or I buy one of every coffee scent, and the kids hate the smell of coffee.  Now, ask yourself if you want to hear them complaining all day every day.

KidK's Dad:  No.  But can we eat something soon?  It's long past dinnertime.

KidK's Mom:  We can go to the restaurant at the other end of the store if you want.

KidK's Dad:  But they charge like twelve bucks for a _sandwich_!  (note: this is the absolute truth)  Remind me never to listen when Mike tells us to take a trip.

KidK's Mom:  Look, they have a new scent!  'Cupcake!'

KidK's Dad:  Is it just me, or are the Yankee Candle flavor inventors running out of ideas?

KidK's Mom:  Whatever, honey.  Grab me another shopping basket.  This is going to take a while.

OK, I think that was long enough of an interlude to get KidK and Zim to Moorestown Mall.

KidK:  We're here.  Now what was it you wanted to buy?

Zim:  Um…I forgot.  Let's just walk around for a while.

KidK (suspiciously):  Al_riiiight_…(she notices something and points)  Oh, look!  This mall has one of those sticker picture machines now!

Zim:  Sticker pictures?

KidK:  Yeah, you go in the machine and get your picture taken with funny or pretty borders around it.  Like the ones that say 'Wanted,' or 'Little Devil,' or 'Best Friends'…Hey!  Wanna get some?

Zim:  Will that waste some time?

KidK:  Yeah!

Zim:  Then fine.  Why not?

They go over to the sticker picture machine and sit down on the little bench inside.  Zim puts some money into the slot and KidK programs the machine for the right set of photos.  A few moments later, the two are in possession of some lovely keepsake pictures that can also be used as stickers!

KidK:  Hee, look at your face!

Zim:  I wasn't ready yet!  You look funny too!

KidK:  I _always_ look funny.

Zim:  Hey, why are you holding up two fingers behind my head in this picture?

KidK:  It's called giving someone bunny ears.  It's a human tradition.

Zim:  Oh.  Well at least _this_ one turned out decently.

KidK:  Yeah, we're both actually smiling!  You look cute like that, Zimmy.

Zim:  If there's _one_ word that doesn't describe me in _any_ way, it's cute. (if only he knew…)  But it _is_ a good photograph.

KidK:  It's a good thing we get two copies of everything.  Now we can each keep one!  I'm gonna take these to skool with me in a nice frame and put 'em on my desk so I can always see them whenever I want.  That way I'll always remember the fun we had tonight.

Zim:  You humans are so sentimental.  Why do you need _objects_ to remind you of things?  Oh well, if you want, I'll put my copy on my console.

KidK:  Aw, you're sweet.  Well, _now_ can we go home?

Zim:  Let's see…8:09.  I suppose so.

KidK:  You're getting awfully _specific_ with these times, Zim.  Anything you want to let me in on?

Zim:  No.

KidK:  OK, be that way.  I'll find out what you're hiding soon enough.

Meanwhile, over at KidK's house…

Dib:  Alright, I think that's it.  We've got the banners, the decorations, the food…Gir, what are you doing?

Gir:  I'm puttin' glitter on stuff!  Mommy had a lot of red an' green glittery stuff.  She said I could have it because it was old!  It's purdy!

Mike-the-Brother:  Must be from last Christmas.  

Gir runs around sprinkling the glitter on everything in sight, including the computers, various machines, the food, and Gaz.

Gaz:  Cut it _out_!  I'm _not_ a decoration!  And I'm trying to beat Ganondorf the King of Evil!  

Mike-the-Brother:  Oooo, you finished Oracle of Seasons _and_ Oracle of Ages?

Gaz:  You mean you _didn't_ yet?  This is my third time.

Mike-the-Brother:  Well, I just got Oracle of Time a week ago…

Gaz:  A _week_?  _Man_ you're slow!

Gir interrupts this conversation by coming over and trying to brush the glitter off Gaz.

Gir:  Sorry, Gazzy!  See, it comes right off!  Now _I'm_ sparkly!  Whee!

The little android waves his arms wildly with happiness, and knocks a cup of punch off the food table onto the already quite annoyed Gaz.

Gaz:  What's your _problem_?!  I--

Dib:  Shhhh, shut up!  It's 8:30, so Zim should be bringing KidK home any time now!  Wait, is that the elevator?  Quick, turn off the lights!

KidK (in the elevator):  _What_ do you hafta show me?

Zim:  Something…important!

KidK:  Huh.  Well, before you show me, I just want to say sorry again that you got messed up at the restaurant, and to thank you for a wonderful evening.

Zim:  You're welcome.

KidK:  Um…can I give you a hug?

Zim:  _No_!

KidK:  Aw, come on, just a _little_ hug! (puppy eyes):  _Pleeeeeeeeze_, Zimmy?

Zim:  Oh, _fine_.  But just for a second.

KidK wraps her best friend in a warm embrace that is destined to be one of the sweetest moments in the history of my fanfiction.  After a few seconds, Zim gives in and actually hugs her back…only to be very surprised when the elevator door finally opens.

Gir, Dib, Gaz, and Mike:  **_Surprise_**!!

KidK:  Yikes!

Zim:  Geez!

Gir:  Happy Going Away Party, Missy!

Gaz:  Heh, looks like _these_ two have already started having fun _without_ us.  

Dib and Mike:  Wahahahahaaaaa!

KidK and Zim:  *blush blush*

_And Thus Concludes Part One of 'No Need for KidK!'  Find Out About Those Mysterious Gifts and Other Unanswered Questions in Part Two:  'Party Down!'_


	2. Party Down!

No Need For KidK!

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

_Part 2--Party Down!_

          You know what?  This is the first time ever that I've posted a fanfic chapter by chapter.  As in not all at once.  As in I didn't have this chapter ready to go when I posted the first chapter.  This has never happened before!  I've always been at least one story ahead of my self-imposed deadlines!  It must be all this vacation stuff…distracting me from my writing.  Oh, and by the way, I sincerely apologize for not having a Christmas story written in time for the holiday.  Blame my parents.  Or blame my penchant for spending entire days playing 'Majora's Mask.'  Or you can just not blame anybody and look forward to my Christmas tale sometime in the future.  These stories follow a semi-logical progression of events anyway, so it would've been necessary to skip ahead if I _had_ written a holiday story, so it's probably better that I'm waiting.  It'll be a nice reminder of the Christmas spirit when I finally get my butt in gear and write it, I promise.

          Ah, well, enough rambling…on with the story!  As you probably remember, since you aren't stupid, the gang has just surprised KidK with a going away party!  What fun!  Of course, much of the fun belongs to Mr. Vasquez, not to me.  I'm just borrowing it for a while.  Oh, and I'm gonna warn you right away--extreme sweet gooshiness ahead, and a healthy dose of Johnny-style philosophy as well.

The scene is Zim's lab!  But you knew that!  Oh, who cares anyway?  There's partying to be done!

KidK (overcome with joy):  Ooooooh!  You guys are so sweeeeeeet!  I don't deserve this!

Gir:  Sure ya do, Missy!  We luv you!

KidK:  Aw, Gir, I luv you too!  Is all this your doing?

Dib:  Actually, it was my idea.

KidK:  I really shouldn't be surprised at that.  After all, you _were_ my very first friend.  C'mere, Dibby.  ^_^

And so the hugging begins!  How sickening (I'm jealous of KidK and her actual _friends_, in case you didn't notice).

Zim:  Hey!  It's _my_ lab we're using!  None of this would've worked without _me_ agreeing to compromise my security!

KidK:  In that case, you get over here too!  (she grabs him around the waist and pulls him into the hug)

Mike-the-Brother:  I did the food…well, except for Gir's so-called cake.

KidK:  You know, I had a feeling you were a good brother, deep down inside.  Join the hug party!  (he does)

Gir:  Whee!  Hug party!  (he jumps on KidK's head in typical fashion)

Gaz:  Hey, all of you!  What, you think you own KidK now?  Get outta my way!  (she pushes her way into the odd group hug)

Mike-the Brother:  _Isn't_ this a nice way to spend _time_ together?  (note: actual Mike catchphrase)

KidK:  Whose foot is this?

Mike-the-Brother:  Mine.  Hey, Dib, get your hair out of my face!

Dib:  Get your _face_ out of my _hair_!

Zim:  I don't remember signing up for this squeezing!

Gaz:  Is this _your_ hand, Zim?  Get your paws off me!

KidK:  Gir, why are you sticky?

Gir:  I was makin' paper chains!  See?

KidK:  Yes, they're very pretty, Gir.  Um, guys?  You can let go now.  (everyone separates)  Oh, how can I thank you all enough?

Mike-the-Brother:  But you haven't even seen everything we've done yet!

Gaz:  Yeah, if you think you're happy _now_, just wait until we're through with you.

Gir:  Oooo, do you mean the presents?  Is it present time?

KidK:  Presents?  Oh, no, guys, please don't…I haven't done anything to earn any of this!

Dib:  Yeah, you have, and you know it.  I'll go first.

Zim:  Nuh _uh_!  _I'll_ go first!  _I'm_ her best friend!

Dib:  You think so?  Who came up with this whole party idea in the _first_ place?

Zim:  Well, who took KidK out for a night of fun and didn't mind getting drenched and beaten up?

While they fight in the background, Gir pulls a package out of his head and hands it to KidK.

Gir:  Here ya go!  

KidK (unwrapping the gift):  Let's see…a box.  And inside the box…tissue paper.  And inside the tissue paper…wow, Gir, are you sure I can have this?

Gir:  Yeah!  

KidK:  But…this is your favorite Piggy!

Gir:  He told me he'd be sad when you go away, so I thought he could go with you…(he bursts into tears)  I miss you, Missy!  I wanna go with you tooooooo!

KidK:  Aw, don't cry Gir.  I'll come home every weekend and see you.

Gir:  *sniff*  Really?

KidK:  For sure.  And don't worry, I'll keep Piggy safe for you while I'm at skool.  

Gir:  You can take him to all your classes so he can get smart like you!

KidK:  Can you get any cuter?

Gir:  I don't…know…  Can I get another hug?

KidK:  But of course!  Thanks for the gift! (she gives Gir a squeeze--awww)  

Zim (noticing this):  Hey, what's going on?  Gir, did you give KidK a present?

Gir:  Yes.

Zim:  How _could_ you!  _I_ was supposed to go first!

Dib:  No way!  _I_ was!

Zim:  Me!

Dib:  Me!

Gaz:  Doesn't sound like they're gonna shut up anytime soon, so I may as well give you my present now, KidK.

KidK (taking the offered package):  Oooo, purple and silver!  This is great paper, Gaz!  (she tears it open)  Cool!  Terry Pratchett's Thief of Time!  Where did you _find_ this?  It's not even supposed to be out in the U.S. yet!  And it must've cost a _fortune_ in hardback like this!

Gaz:  There haven't been very many good games out lately, and Dad's so distracted that I got him to give me three weeks' allowance every week this month.

KidK:  It feels like I've been waiting _ages_ for Pratchett's latest, and now I can read it!  Thanks _so_ much, Gaz.

Gaz (a little embarrassed):  Yeah…well…

KidK (reading the jacket):  Hey, this one features one of my favorite characters!  Death's granddaughter returns!  (note:  …oh, just go read it--it's too hard to explain)  Yay!

Gaz:  Um…hey, Mike, didn't you have a present too?

Mike-the-Brother:  Oh, yeah!  I forgot!

Zim (running over):  Oh, no you don't!  _I'm_ next!

Dib (tackling Zim):  We'll _see_ about _that_!

KidK:  Those silly boys…so, what've you got for me, Mike?

Mike-the-Brother (shyly):  Just this…(he holds out a huge stack of papers)

KidK:  What in the world…?  (she looks at the top sheet)  Oh my _god_!  No you did _not_!

Gaz:  Didn't what?

Gir:  Yeah, lemme see!

KidK:  Mike made me a Tenchi Muyô comic!  

Gaz:  Wow, you drew that all your_self_?

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah…it took a really long time, and it's not very good, but…

KidK:  Whaddaya mean, 'not good?'  This is _awesome_, Mike!  (she flips through the pages)  Look, you made this Ryoko _perfect_!  And this Sasami is so cute!

Gir:  What's it about?

Mike-the-Brother:  Well, it's kinda similar to what's going on right now, as a matter of fact.  See, in the comic all the Tenchi characters are friends with you, sis, and they want to throw you a going away party.  

KidK:  And of course chaos ensues, right?

Mike-the-Brother:  Right.

KidK:  Oh, I can't wait to see what you make everyone do!  Thanks, bro!  I really appreciate it!

Mike-the-Brother:  ….No problem!  ^_^  

A quick author's note:  this is based on reality.  My real actual brother, Michael, really actually made me a Tenchi Muyô comic called 'No Need for Goodbyes!' to give me as a farewell present.  He worked on that thing for _ages_, just so he could give it to me on the night before I left for skool.  It's a lot better than he gives himself credit for, and in fact is one of, if not _the_ best present I have ever received in my entire life.  Proving once again that though younger brothers can be annoying at times, they really can be sweet when they want to be.  OK, enough sappiness, back to the show!

Dib:  See what you did, Zim?  Now you're going to be _last_!

Zim:  Not a chance!  You're the loser here, not me!

KidK:  Uh oh, _now_ how am I going to settle this…?

Dib:  I'm first alphabetically!

Zim:  Not according to the Irken alphabet, you're not!

Gaz:  How about I smack them both, and whoever falls over is the loser?

Mike-the-Brother:  Or I could give you _both_ their gifts and claim _I_ made them…

Dib and Zim:  No way!  (they shut up and stop bickering)

Gir:  They should play the game that the pretty girls on Sailor Moon always do!

Mike-the-Brother:  You mean Jun-Ken-Pon?

Dib:  What's that?

KidK:  It's the Japanese version of Rock-Paper-Scissors.  Sounds like a decent enough idea to me.  Oh, I feel so loved right now…people fighting over giving me presents…

Zim:  What is this game you speak of?

Gir:  You just do like this, Master!  Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!  (he holds his hand out flat--paper)

Zim:  And that's all?

Gir:  Yup!

Zim:  Fine, then, let's do this.

Dib and Zim:  Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!

Zim has, unfortunately, copied Gir's movement exactly, not knowing that he had two other options.  Dib, being very smart and all that, has anticipated this mistake.

Dib:  Yeah!  I win!

Zim:  But…you aren't holding your hand the right way!  How can _you_ win?

Dib:  This is called _scissors_, Zim.  It beats your paper.

Zim:  **_What_**?!  Gir, why didn't you _tell_ me I could do that?

Gir:  I _always_ pick paper!

Mike-the-Brother:  It's true, he always does.  Which is why I always get to choose my character first when we play Super Smash Brothers.

Dib:  So that means I get to show you my present first, KidK!

KidK:  It must be good, if you'd make such a fuss about it!  I'm so excited!

Dib walks over to a large, nondescript form which has been covered by a sheet.  You'll probably notice that it's plugged in where one of Zim's machines should be, and think, 'Hey, that must be what he was talking about in the last chapter!'  Well, wait no longer to find out what it is, because Dib has dramatically flung the sheet off it to reveal…

KidK:  _Oh_…_my_…**_gosh_**!  How in the world did you get a…oh, it's too wonderful to even _say_ it!

Dib (proudly):  I made it myself.

KidK:  You _didn't_!  Geez, you're even more talented than I thought!  I never imagined that I'd _ever_ have my own _brainfreezy_ machine!

Dib:  It works just like the one at the 7-11.  All you have to do is add ice and whatever flavor of juice you want, and you can have brainfreezys anytime you want!

KidK:  Yeeeeeee!  This is the best going away party _ever_!  Oh, Dib, you have my undying thanks for this!

Dib (he's cute when he blushes):  It's nothing…

Zim:  Oh, how very true.  Now, KidK, if you are finished gawking at that monstrosity of Dib's, you can now feast your eyes on some _real_ gifts!

Dib:  Gifts?  Plural?  As in more than one?!  That's cheating!

Gaz:  I don't remember this being a contest, Dib.  Now quit flapping your jaw!

Zim:  KidK, you will notice that over here is your beloved karaoke machine, a device which seems to provide you with hours and hours of noisy, disturbing fun.  But look!  Why, I believe some new features have been added to it!  Now who could be responsible for that, I wonder?

KidK (examining the karaoke machine):  Ooooo, different buttons!  What do they do?

Zim:  Well, thanks to my awesomely huge genius, you can now sing along to more than just CDs and cassettes--you can sing along with the radio!

KidK:  The radio?  But how?

Zim:  It's all very…technical.  You probably wouldn't understand.

KidK:  Yeah, you're right.  Hey, this means I have access to songs I don't technically own!

Zim:  That is correct.  But that's not all!  You see, this radio is not your ordinary really-only-like-ten-stations-and-a-bunch-of-static radio.  I've made it possible to access any station on this planet!  And thus your karaoke possibilities have been made endless!  Wahahahahaaa!

KidK:  Coooooool!  But…wouldn't that mean just more ways for me to annoy you while you work?  Why would you want _that_?

Zim:  ………What?!  Oh no, you're right!  I…hadn't thought of that!  

KidK:  Aw, that's sweet.  You were so overcome by the spirit of giving that for once you didn't think of yourself.

Zim (not paying attention):  Anyway, it's not like you'll be here every _day_ anymore.  I can work during the weekdays and you can have fun on the weekend.

KidK:  Sounds like a good deal to me!  Thankies, Zimmy,

Zim:  Oh, don't thank me yet!  I have yet more wonders to bestow upon you!  And here they are!  (he thrusts a gift box into her hands)

KidK:  I like opening presents.  Whee, here I go!  (she rips it open)  Oh, wow, what're these doo-hickeys?

Zim:  These 'doo-hickeys' are very advanced Irken wrist communicators.  You use them to talk to people who are great distances away.

KidK:  Like a video phone but little?  Neat!

Zim:  Yes, they are indeed 'neat.'  Here, give me your arm.  You'll have one…(he straps the gizmo, which resembles a watch with a little screen and numerous buttons on it, to her wrist) and I'll have the other!  So if you…you know…ever want to talk to me or anything…

Mike-the-Brother:  Well, isn't that _cute_?  Zim and KidK keeping in touch across the miles…a long-distance love story a la Tenchi in Tokyo!  (Mike and I like Tenchi analogies, in case you didn't notice)

Dib:  Hey, don't keep KidK up too late with your professions of love, Zim.  She has to study, after all.

Zim:  Shut up!  That's just what these are for!  If she has any questions about science or math or anything, she can ask me!  That's all!

Gir:  I thought Missy got out of taking science this time!  She was soooo happy!

Gaz:  Yeah, and she's not taking Calculus, she's taking Topics in Math for Liberal Arts Majors.

KidK:  That's the idiot math for kids who are…math idiots!  

Dib:  I didn't know you were a math idiot--you got A's in Calc last year!

KidK:  Sure, but I'm sick of Calc.  Differentiation with fractions and non-real numbers makes my eyes water!  The only reason I'm taking any math at _all_ is because I need to fulfill my cores!  (note for non-college peeps:  you hafta take a certain amount of courses under a bunch of different headings to graduate--they're called 'cores')

Mike-the-Brother:  You _know_ all that, Zim!  KidK's been traipsing around the house gloating at me about her schedule for _weeks_!  Why don't you just admit that you want to talk to her?

Zim:  I don't care what you all think!  I'll do whatever I want and that's it!  I don't need anybody!  It's just that…I don't want to forget what her goofy _face_ looks like, since we won't be seeing each other all the time, that's all.  And I don't want her to go off and start hanging around with moronic college monkeys and forget that she's got perfectly good friends waiting for her at home!  Well, excluding Dib, of course.

KidK:  Don't worry.  I could never forget about any of you.  Mike especially, cuz he's my brother and I love him.  But…(she smile at each of her pals in turn) Zim, Dib, Gir, Gaz…you guys will always be the best friends I've ever had.  Just because I'm going to be away five days out of the week doesn't mean that our friendship has to change at all.  It's not like you guys won't have skool and homework to worry about yourselves, either.  All of us have to work really hard during the week so we can have fun together on the weekends.  So come on!  Let's make an anime-skoolgirl-style pact to all do our best!  (she holds out her hand palm down)  Who's with me?

Gir:  I am!  (he puts his hand on his friend's)

Dib:  Me too!  Not that I don't _always_ work hard at skool.  (his hand is added to the pile)

Mike-the-Brother:  It's not like I have a choice, since Mom and Dad get on my case about grades…  (his hand joins the stack)

Gaz:  I always do my homework quickly, so I can play my games, so I've got no problems making this promise.  (she adds her hand)

KidK:  Well, Zim?  What do you say?

Zim:  I…I'll do it too.  Yes!  I'll work hard to learn all I can about this planet so I can achieve my goal of conquering it!  Oh…what's the word I'm looking for…people yell it in such situations on those brainless foreign shows you like…

KidK:  Makenai?  'I won't lose?'

Zim:  That's it!  Makenai!  (he triumphantly slams his hand onto the pile)

KidK:  Yay!  Friends forever!  (they all reclaim their hands from the group)

Mike-the-Brother (he thinks a second):  …Hey!  I'm not a skoolgirl!

Gaz:  That's OK, Mike.  It's the thought that counts.

Dib (pointing at Zim):  I'm not friends with _him_.

Zim:  Yes, that little ritual thing we just did doesn't mean I'm forced to be friends with the Dib-monkey, does it?

Gir (singing):  Lalala never give up, ganbaru wa!  I'm gonna roll in wrapping paper now!

KidK:  Heehee…I luv you guys…I'm so glad we can all be together…

Just then, as if on cue, the screen on Zim's main console begins to flash.

Computer Voice:  Front doorknocker has been engaged!  Possible entry of intruders is imminent!  Initiating security lockdown!  (doesn't that voice sound _familiar_…hmm…)

Dib:  Security lockdown?!

Mike-the-Brother:  What's _that_ supposed to mean?

Gaz:  Someone's at the door, I think.

KidK:  Zim, can you stop that thing from barricading us in here?  I'll go get the door.  Though I can't imagine who it could be at 9:00 at night…unless…(she bolts for the elevator)

Mike-the-Brother:  What was _that_ all about?

Dib:  I dunno.  (trying to sound ingratiating)  So, Zim, how's your security lockdown system _work_, anyway?

Zim:  Well, mainly it…hey!  Don't even think you can fool me that easily!

Gir:  Lookit me!  I'm wrapped up like a present!

Remember, Gir is covered in glue.  Well, now he's covered in glue and wrapping paper.  He's a festive sight to behold, indeed.  Meanwhile, KidK runs up the first flight of stairs and throws open the front door, surprising the tall, dark figure waiting outside.

KidK:  'Nny-kun!

'Nny:  Whoa, hey!  How did you know it was me?

KidK (shrugging):  Who else'd visit me this late at night?  

'Nny:  Oh.  Right.  Do you mind if I come in for a minute?

KidK:  No, you can stay as long as you want.  (she leads the way upstairs and the two plunk down on the couch)  Sorry the house is all dark--my parents are out and we're all having a party downstairs.  We're gonna karaoke 'til the cows come home!  And eat cake!

'Nny:  Well, I won't keep you away long.  I just wanted to wish you good luck in skool and give you this.  (he hands her his manila folder--hey, you remember right?)

KidK:  Gosh, all you guys keep giving me stuff!  (she opens the folder)  Oh, a pretty picture!  Is that…you and me and Gir at the 7-11?

'Nny:  Well, yes.  You know I draw comics, right?  Well, I just couldn't resist putting our first meeting down on paper.  So…I drew the scene--from the moment you knocked me over to when I left the store.  I know they're not so good;  I'm hardly an artist, but…

KidK:  You and my brother!  You _both_ make me pictures and you _both_ start naysaying them before I even get a chance to _look_ at 'em!  Now let's see…(she looks at each of the pictures in turn)  These are really good!  I like this one where we've all got our 'freezys.  Hee, I remember you were so quiet then--who would've thought that in a couple month's time we'd be sitting together on my couch?

'Nny:  Certainly not me.  At the time I was thinking, 'Here's a beautiful moment in time, something to treasure forever as a perfect, happy fraction of a second…something to freeze-frame and tuck away in the mind's corners to remember forever.  So now I've extracted those memories and reproduced them, however imperfectly, to share them with you.  This is my thanks to you, Missy, for giving me so many wonderful moments.

KidK:  It's funny, but I remember everything the same as you do--and I'm sure I cherish them just as much, though I could never have created anything like this.  What a precious reminder of a fateful meeting, and the happy feelings behind it!  Thank you, Johnny, for taking this brief moment in time and immortalizing it for us.  (see, I can be serious when I want to be!  So there!  And yes I am aware of my very obvious reference!)  But don't you want to keep them with you?  They're _your_ masterpieces, after all.

'Nny:  Hey, you read my mind!  Well, sort of.  I made copies at Staples this afternoon.  One to have at my house, and one to fold up little and keep with me wherever I go.  And on that note, I'll be going.  Farewell, Missy, and I hope your life continues to be happy.  (he gets up to leave but is stopped)

KidK:  You people are all the same, acting like I'm leaving forever and that you'll never see me again!

'Nny:  Well in my case, at least, that's _true_.  I _won't_ ever see you again.

KidK:  And why not?

'Nny:  Because tonight…when you threw open the door and greeted me with that smile of yours…that's the limit.  What could be better?  Tonight is the peak of our happiness--it can only go downhill from here.  I'm sure you can understand this:  I don't want our time together to ever become just a dull routine; I don't want to feel like I have to see you because that's what I _always_ do.  I want every memory to be beautiful, and for every time we see each other to be a breath of fresh air, as it is now!  But I know that's impossible--inevitably the decay will begin to set in.  And, even barring that, I have an unfortunate tendency to screw things up just as they're getting good.  So, it's best that we end this here, now, before all that sickness starts to cloud our clear, bright memories.  (gods, he makes me sad)

KidK:  Well, that's all well and good, and I appreciate your sentiments, as you can probably tell by the fact that my face has turned a rather embarrassing shade of red.  However, your argument is not without flaws, so won't you please hear my rebuttal?  (I'm a born lawyer, so sue me--hahaha)  First, let me ask this rhetorical question:  how can you be _sure_ this is the best time we'll ever have?  The future is forever changing, so how can you _know_?  I have a good deal of personal experience to prove that this is impossible.  If I had said to any of my other friends that, for example, the time we went to the karaoke bar was the happiest we'd ever be, we would never have had all the other crazy adventures we've had since then.  Every time we get together we have fun, and it seems like we become better and better friends every time we meet.  So who's to say that the same can't be true of you and I?  Since you seem to value happiness so highly, let me ask you--_would you deny yourself the chance to find out_?  

'Nny:  Well, when you put it that way…yes, I acknowledge that your theory has at least _some_ validity.

KidK:  Good!  So don't spoil everything with that kind of pessimistic outlook!  Let's just be spontaneous and make our future bright and full of happiness!  (please excuse me, I'm having an attack of anime-obsession)

'Nny:  Well, now I have something else to thank you for; thanks for talking me out of what might perhaps have been the biggest mistake of my life since accidentally shooting myself in the head.  Yes, this will be a lovely experiment--if you're right we'll be happy forever, and if I'm right, well, I suppose I can always say 'I told you so.'

KidK (skeptically):  Did you say you shot yourself in the _head_?

'Nny:  Yeah, and let me tell you, Heaven isn't all it's cracked up to be.  At least my hair eventually grew back.

KidK:  Okaaaaay.  So…you wanna come downstairs and join the party for a while?

'Nny:  ……..nah.  Like I said before, I'm not very good in a crowd.  I don't really enjoy being in close proximity to other people.

KidK:  And yet you're sitting next to me.

'Nny:  That's different.  You _know_ that.  I just…I don't want to accidentally do something that might upset you.  

KidK (matter-of-fact):  Listen.  I've got one friend who's a megalomaniacal alien bent on destroying all mankind, and another friend who wants to see that first friend autopsied on TV.  My only female companion probably wouldn't notice if Armageddon occurred, so long as her video game isn't interrupted.  And you _know_ Gir.  What have I got to fear from _you_?  You say you don't want to hurt me, and you never have yet.  So I trust you completely.

'Nny:  Such innocence.  You are lucky to have that kind of faith.  Such a beautiful mind….  

KidK:  Oh, and Dib built me my very own brainfreezy machine.

'Nny:  Well, who am I to argue with you?  If it would make you happy, I will join you.

KidK (gleeful):  Yay!  Come on!  (she leads him down the stairs)

'Nny:  But I'm not going to do any karaoke.

KidK:  Aw, man…  Well, we'll see if you can resist the mighty power of…the All-Stupid-Eighties-Songs Station!

'Nny:  Oh, believe me, I can.  There's nothing in the world more humiliating than trying to sing along in front of people.  Karaoke is something that I simply will not do.  Ever.  …don't look at me like that!

KidK:  ^_^

Five minutes later:
    
    KidK, Gir, and 'Nny (singing—what else?):  You spin me _right_ round, baby, right _round_ like a _record_, baby, _right_ round, _round_ round…
    
    Zim (off in the background):  Who invited _him_?!  You humans are becoming an _infestation_!
    
    Dib:  I'm not going to complain, are you?
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  No.  I can only _imagine_ what would happen _then_.
    
    Ten minutes later:
    
    KidK, Gir, and 'Nny:  We're gonna _rock_ down _to_ El_ec_tric Ave_nue_, and _then_ we'll _take_ it _high_er!  Whoa!  We're gonna _rock_ down _to_ El_ec_tric Ave_nue_, and _then_ we'll _take_ it _high_er!
    
    Gaz:  Can you take it somewhere else?
    
    Dib:  Hey, that was actually pretty good, sis!
    
    Gaz:  Keep it down, already!
    
    Twenty minutes later:
    
    KidK, Gir, and 'Nny:  _One_ way…or a_no_ther…I'm gonna _find_ ya…I'm gonna _get_cha _get_cha _get_cha _get_cha!
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  Oh, God…now they're _dancing_.
    
    Dib:  This is just sad.
    
    Zim:  Hmph.  They'd better cut it out soon.
    
    Thirty minutes later:
    
    KidK, Gir, and 'Nny:  _Nine_ty-_nine_ knights of the _air_ ride (yelling with glee) **_super high-tech jet fighters_**!  (normal voices now)  Every_one_'s a _su_perhero, every_one_'s a _Cap_tain Kirk.  With orders to i_den_tify, to _clar_ify and _class_ify…_scram_ble in the summer sky, _nine_ty-_nine_ red balloons go by!
    
    Zim (fed up):  Oh, that's it.  This is the last song they're going to sing.
    
    Gaz:  Why?  Why stop them?  Or are you tired of bugging just _me_ now?
    
    Dib:  They're being annoying.  I mean, enough's enough.
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah, but…who's gonna go over there and tell that Johnny guy he can't sing anymore?
    
    Dib (nervously):  I nominate Zim!  Oh, yes, Zim would be perfect for the job!
    
    Zim:  Well, finally you are talking some sense, human!  Yes, I shall put an end to this insanity!
    
    Zim strides toward the karaoke machine, where the extremely happy trio is dancing to the musical interlude in the middle of '99 Red Balloons' (did I just write a sentence involving 'Nny, happy, and dancing?).  He opens his mouth to start his prepared tirade, but is silenced by five of the most heart-stopping words he can ever hear.
    
    Gir:  Yay!  Do a solo, Missy!
    
    KidK:  With pleasure.  ^_^  (singing in her 'best voice') _Nine_ty-_nine_ dreams I have had, in _ev_ery one a red balloon…  It's all over and I'm standin' pretty…_in_ this _dust_ that _was_ a city.  If _I_ could _find_ a souvenir, _just_ to _prove_ the world was here…  _And_ here _is_ a red balloon.  (she notices Zim and gives him a smile)  I think of you, and let it go…
    
    Zim:  O_o…………..Nooooooooo!  Not the singing!
    
    KidK (looking at Zim quizzically):  Huh?  What do you mean?
    
    Zim:  How can I _berate_ you while you're singing with that…_voice_ of yours?!
    
    KidK:  Why would you berate me in the first place, Zimmy?
    
    Zim:  Aaargh!  There's no point in saying anything now!  But can you please stop with the singing?
    
    KidK:  OK.  I'll just put on my Aqua CDs for background music.
    
    'Nny:  Ah, Aqua.  Pop at its best and most pointless.
    
    Gir:  Pop!  Heehee, pop!  I like that word, pop.  (screaming)  **_Pop_**!
    
    'Nny:  Alright, Gir, why don't we go and try out that brainfreezy machine?  
    
    Gir:  Yeah!  Pop pop 'freezy pop!
    
    KidK (indicating the music):  So, is this better, Zim?

Zim (blank horror):  The music…so loud and bouncy…what kind of lyrics _are_ these?  They don't make any sense!

KidK:  It's not Aqua's fault they're from Denmark and don't know good English!  I suppose _you_ could do better?

Zim:  Of course!  Duh!

Dib:  Well then let's see you do it, Zim.  Do a karaoke with your own lyrics!

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah!  As if karaoke couldn't get any _more_ embarrassing, make up your _own_ words!

Zim:  Well, I…

Gaz:  He can't.

KidK:  Aw, what's wrong, Zimmy?  I wanna sing with you!  We can make up the words together!

Zim (looking around to find all eyes on him):  Um, now that I think about it, the lyrics are just fine how they are.

KidK:  Man, I was looking forward to singing a new song too…that was a good idea, Dib.

'Nny (looking up from his 'freezy):  I'll do it with you, Missy.

Gir:  Me too!  It's fun!

The three happy karaoke-ers begin plotting further musical fun, and Zim stomps over to the food table, where Mike and Dib are laughing hysterically at him and Gaz has begun a game of 'Fast and Furious Fists of Fire.'

Mike-the-Brother:  Uh oh, look what you've done _now_, Zim.  They're just gonna take over the mic again.

Gaz:  At least if Gir's over _there_ he won't be spilling punch on _me_…again.

Zim (folding his arms angrily):  Huh.  If that guy's gonna sing with KidK all _night_…

Dib:  Jealous, are you?

Zim:  No.  I just think…he's not…and she…

Gaz:  Oh yeah, he's jealous.

Mike-the-Brother:  Heh heh, he sure is!

Zim:  No I'm not!  I will destroy you all!  But first, I'm going to put a stop to this pointless frivolity!

Back at the karaoke machine…

KidK:  So, boys, what song should we try to remake?

'Nny:  Definitely Aqua.  And one that has a decent amount of male lyrics.  (he slurps the 'freezy)  Ahhhhh…this is actually quite good.  Perhaps I might ask your little friend to build _me_ my own 'freezy machine, so I don't have to go out among the brain-dead throngs to get my fix. (again with the slurping)  What were we talking about again?

Gir:  Let's do 'Freaky Friday!'  I like the part when the girl gets hit by a truck.  And plays on the highway!  That's fun, I did it once…Master was mad when he had to replace my leg…

KidK:  Er, OK, 'Freaky Friday' it is, then.  You wanna plan something first, or just go for it?

'Nny:  Well, I've always been a fan of spontaneity myself.  Gir?

Gir:  Let's do it, my homies!

KidK:  Homies?  Gir, _what_ have you been watching?  Oh, well, just let me fix the machine up…

Zim (breaking in):  Not so fast.  

KidK:  Oh, hallo, Zim.  What's up?  

Zim:  What's up?  What's _up_?!  What's up is that _you_ three have been having all this merriment over here by _yourselves_ for such a long time, and I won't _stand_ for it!

KidK:  OK, fine, what do _you_ want to do?

Zim:  I don't have to take your backtalk, you!  Wait, what?

KidK:  I _said_, what do you want to do now?  I want us to all have fun, and you should get to pick something to do, since you were nice enough to take me out tonight.  (she smiles disarmingly)

Zim:  Well, I was just thinking…

Dib (calling from the food table):  That's a new one!  Imagine—Zim thinking!  Wow!

Gaz (smacking her bro):  Would you butt out?  

Mike-the-Brother:  Yeah, don't spoil the mood now!  It's bound to get funnier in a few seconds!

Zim:  I was just thinking that maybe…I _could_ sing a song with you, if you wanted…that is, if your partners in _loudness_ wouldn't mind.

Gir:  Sure!  (he hands Zim his mic)  Here ya go, Master!  Do a good one, 'kay?

'Nny:  Aw, that's cute.  Best friends doing karaoke together.  I'd say this is a Kodak moment, only I don't have a camera.

Zim:  Don't you make fun of _me_, you…you…_guy_!

'Nny (uh oh, mad):  I'm _not_!  Don't _you_ accuse me, you little…

KidK:  Okay, okay, break it up.  Hey, Johnny, why don't you go and see what the others are up to over there by the food.  

'Nny (situation diffused):  Okay.  (to Dib, Gaz, and Mike)  Hey, you guys, wanna hear about the time when this jerk wouldn't sell me a brainfreezy?  It's actually kind of funny, in an ironic sort of way.  (Dib and Mike look rightfully fearful, while Gaz just shrugs)

Zim:  So are we singing or what?

KidK:  Well, if you're gonna be nasty about it…

Zim:  I'm not!  I'm not!  Now what should we do?

KidK:  Well, I haven't sung either of my absolute favorites yet, so we should do 'Doctor Jones' or 'An Apple a Day.'  You know those, right?

Zim:  How can I _not_?  You come down here and bother me with them practically every _day_!  I think 'Doctor Jones' would be easier to change the words to.

KidK:  OK, cool.

Once again, the machine is tuned up.  This time, however, the rest of the group takes more of an interest in what's going on, and come over to sit down and watch as if it's story time.

Mike-the-Brother:  This oughtta be good.

Dib:  Yeah, Zim singing his heart out for his one true love…

Gaz:  If you say _one_ more word I'm gonna _tie_ you up, _carry_ you to the Camden Aquarium, and _throw_ you in the **_shark tank_**_!_

'Nny:  Yeah, this could turn out to be a truly beautiful moment.  (slightly threateningly) Don't mess with Missy's happiness.

Dib and Mike-the-Brother:  Ahahaha…^_^*
    
    Gir:  Master sings good!  I can't wait!  
    
    Egad!  Beware of stupid rewritten lyrics!  Hey, it was a good idea in _theory_, OK?
    
    KidK (starting off the song):  Sometimes, everything goes right--you've finally got friends for the first time.  Life's a treat, cuz you all are so sweet.  Each passing day's a delight!  (she does the little yodel-y thing that I won't even try to spell--you know the song!)  Now that summer is gone, I have to go to skool.  Please come and visit me there.  Oh, hey, that'd be so cool!
    
    Zim:  KidK, I will be missin' you.
    
    KidK:  You've made my life so bright.
    
    Zim:  And all the stupid stuff you do.
    
    KidK:  Wish I could stay!
    
    Zim:  You get on my nerves every day!
    
    KidK:  I luv to mess with you!
    
    Zim:  But though you might annoy me so, I'll hate to see you go!
    
    Gir:  Yeah!  Sing it!  Woo!
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  Aw, man!  This isn't _nearly_ stupid enough!
    
    Dib:  Yeah, but he finally confessed that he likes KidK!  Well…sorta.
    
    Gaz:  Hey, you said almost the same thing a little while ago, and without the insulting tone--does that mean _you_ have a crush on her?
    
    Dib:  No!  
    
    'Nny:  I thought they were best friends, nothing less.
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  Less?  Don't you mean _more_?
    
    'Nny:  No.  But of course that's the clichéd way to think.  You're Missy's brother, so I won't challenge your belief system to the point where you don't know what's real and what's not.
    
    Mike-the-Brother (unnerved):  Er, thanks.  I guess.
    
    KidK:  All I'll think of is you, and all the good times we've had.  It stinks, but--what can I do?  It's just gonna have to be like that.
    
    Zim:  KidK, I will be missin' you.
    
    KidK:  You've made my life so bright.
    
    Zim:  And you'd better miss me too.
    
    KidK:  I want to stay!
    
    Zim:  I'll always call you--every day.
    
    KidK:  And, hey, I'll answer you!
    
    Zim:  'Cause though you're walking out the door, I--oh, geez!  No, not now!  Not _now_!
    
    Uh oh.  Now _this_ is a problem.  The main console's screen is flashing the message 'Incoming Transmission.'  Not a very good thing to have happen to you when your mortal enemy, his sister, and a criminally insane person are currently in the vicinity.  Needless to say, the song is over prematurely as Zim frantically tries to figure out what to do.
    
    Zim:  Um, I, er…everyone get out now!
    
    Dib:  No way!  That's your evil _masters_ calling, isn't it?  This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!  You'll finally be exposed as an alien, and other people will _have_ to believe me!
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  We _already_ believe you. 
    
    Gaz:  And we don't care.
    
    Dib:  But…hey!  _Johnny_ didn't know!  Oh, yes, I'll bet _you'll_ care that Zim's a bloodthirsty alien, _won't_ you, Johnny?  (pleadingly)  Oh, _say_ you'll get all freaked out by the horror of it all, and will be a witness for my presentation to the FBI!
    
    'Nny:  Why?  I've seen worse things than that kid.  _Much_ worse.  I've been to Hell, you know.  _And_ K-mart.
    
    Dib:  ………………………….
    
    Zim:  Would you all just get your filthy hides _out_ of here?!
    
    Gir (off in the background):  Do you think I should push it, Missy?
    
    KidK (likewise):  Of course!  We've kept them waiting too long as it is!  It'd be impolite not to answer, since we're all at home and all…
    
    Gir:  OK!  Heehee, I push da button!
    
    Zim (noticing their intentions):  Noooooooo!
    
    Dib:  Gaz!  Where's the camera?!
    
    Gaz:  I gave it to Gir to get him to stop pestering me.
    
    Dib:  Noooooooo!
    
    The screen stops flashing its message and two very tall, very annoyed-looking Irkens are glowering down on the partygoers.  In a tragically ironic, yet highly unoriginal twist, Dib passes out from the excitement.  
    
    Gir (waving):  Hiiiiiiii!
    
    KidK:  Hallo, Red an' Purple!  It's good to see you again!
    
    Red:  Oh, KidK, thank _us_ it's you.  
    
    Purple:  Yeah, we were worried we'd accidentally call when…_he_ was around.
    
    KidK:  Oh, you mean Zim?  He's right here, did you want him for something?
    
    Zim (shoving KidK out of the way):  Greetings, my Tallest, so sorry to have taken so long to answer.  It's always an honor to be graced by your presence so _what is it you want_?
    
    Purple (hurriedly):  Oh, nothing, nothing Zim, we want nothing from you!  In fact, we just wanted to say that you're doing such a good job and to just keep on doing it for as long as possible!
    
    Red:  Yes, we don't want to see you for a long, long time!
    
    Purple (a subtle plan…):  Because we know you'll be a great success, we don't even need to hear your reports at all anymore!  
    
    Red (not so subtle):  _Pleeeeeze_ don't ever call us again! 
    
    Zim:  I thought _you_ called _me_.
    
    Purple:  Oh no, no, we would hate to disturb you and all that!
    
    Red:  We called KidK.
    
    Zim:  _Her_?  **_Why_**?!  
    
    Red (shrugging):  We got bored.
    
    Purple:  Don't listen to stupid _Red_.  _We_ weren't bored, _he_ was bored.  I _told_ him it was risky to call at night but _noooo_--he wouldn't listen!
    
    Red:  Oh, who cares!  What would we be doing now if we weren't doing this?
    
    Purple (haughtily):  We _are_ planning an assault on that little planet with universe's bubbliest soda for tomorrow.  Though of course _you_ wouldn't remember about that, _would_ you?
    
    KidK:  Hey, let's not fight.  Why don't you stay on the line a while and join our party?  It'll be a nice break for you before you go back to your battle plans.  I mean, you deserve it, being the future lords of the entire universe and all…
    
    Red:  Did you say party?  Sweet!
    
    Gir:  I made the cake, Mister Red-man!  See, it's green and sparkly!
    
    Red:  Cake?  You have _cake_?  Purple, why can't _we_ ever have cake?
    
    Purple (ignoring Red):  But…don't you need more than just you and Zim and that messed-up little SIR to have a party?
    
    'Nny (wandering over):  Hey, Missy, I dumped all the punch on Dib and poked him in the head a little with a fork, but he's not getting up.  (he notices the Tallest)  Ooooo, are you guys Zim's evil overlords?  Oh _please_ don't say you're going to kidnap us all on your spaceship and do experiments on us.  I'd _hate_ to have to do to you what I did to the _last_ aliens who decided I was a good test subject.  I mean, Missy seems to like you and all.  It'd be mean.
    
    Red:  Missy?
    
    Purple:  KidK, who is this creature?
    
    Red:  _Missy_?!
    
    KidK:  This is my friend Johnny.  He's a human like me.  'Nny, this is Purple, and the other guy laughing at my nickname in the background is Red.
    
    'Nny:  Hello.  Gosh, you guys are a lot taller than that Zim kid.  I like your dresses.
    
    Purple:  They're not dresses, they're robes!  And of _course_ we're taller than Zim--that's the whole _point_, isn't it?  Why _else_ would we be called the Almighty Tallest?
    
    'Nny:  Oh.  (he thinks a second)  Your whole system is based on _height_?  Well, I suppose _our_ system is based on money and, on an even deeper level, appearances, so…
    
    Red:  Wahahahaha!  Missy!  Oh, that's too much!
    
    Purple (smacking Red):  Stop making a spectacle of yourself!  We're supposed to be the supreme rulers of all we survey, not a couple of giggling idiots!  
    
    Zim (breaking in):  Of course not, my Tallest, and these humans do not properly appreciate that, so why don't you just go before they insult you further?  (muttering)  And before the Dib-monkey finally wakes up.
    
    Gaz (joining the crowd):  Dib's dead.
    
    KidK:  Whaaaaaat?!
    
    Dib (a little ways away):  No, I'm not _dead_.  I'm just resting.  
    
    Gaz:  Too bad.
    
    Dib:  Hey, why is this fork stuck in my head?  And why am I dripping _wet_?
    
    Zim:  Well that's just great!  Why did you guys have to wake him up?!  Now I have to knock him out myself!  (he runs off, and sounds of a scuffle follow)
    
    Purple:  Who is this Dib?
    
    KidK (dismissively):  Oh, he's another one of my friends.  He's the one who planned this party to celebrate my going to college.  He's a paranormal expert and wants to prove to the world that Zim's an alien and stop his plans to take over the world.
    
    Purple:  Soooo…he's a hindrance to Zim's mission?
    
    KidK:  Oh, sure.
    
    Purple:  And it'll take Zim a really long time to get anything done because of him?
    
    KidK:  You could say that.
    
    Purple:  Well, good.  It's nice to know that Zim will be kept busy for a good long while.
    
    Red (slow on the uptake):  What's college?
    
    KidK:  That's where human kids get sent for education when they're through with regular skool.  It's where we all learn the stuff we need to know to get good jobs.
    
    'Nny:  At least that's what they tell us.  Really colleges are there to force you to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life before you know enough about the world to make that kind of a decision, thus boxing you into a specific field of work without first giving you a chance to find out if that's what you'd really be happy doing.
    
    Gaz:  Yeah, and if that's not bad _enough_, you have to _live_ there while you study, putting you in a situations where you have to interact with a bunch of people you don't know or care to know.
    
    KidK:  And the bathrooms are icky!
    
    Red:  Hmmm, maybe you guys _are_ intelligent life.  That sounds almost exactly like the Irken Military Academy!  See…cuz we force _everybody_ to go there whether they like it or _not_.  Oh, and from what I hear, they haven't cleaned out the bathrooms since before _I_ went there.
    
    KidK:  Sounds like a decent analogy to me.  So, are you staying?
    
    Purple:  No.
    
    Red:  Yes.
    
    Purple:  Oh, come on!  Haven't you had enough fun _yet_?  We've got to formulate our strategy for tomorrow!  
    
    Red:  Can I make all the decisions this time?
    
    Purple:  Last time _you_ made a decision, I got shot in the eye with a laser.
    
    Red:  But everybody loved it!  And that wasn't military stuff, that was just a public appearance.  I'm _good_ at military stuff!
    
    Purple:  Oh, sure, if you like all-offensive-strikes-with-big-explosions-and-no-defense-to-speak-of-type plans!
    
    Red:  Defense doesn't win you battles!  I'm telling you, big explosions are the best attack!  (he slams his hand down on the console to make his point more passionately)  Ooops, I just hit the off butt--
    
    The screen goes black.
    
    KidK:  Awwww!
    
    Gir:  Heehee, Red-man said 'butt!'
    
    'Nny:  Well, _that_ was different.  Usually aliens just come in and either blast cities, mutilate cattle, or abduct people.  They don't normally fight about it amongst themselves beforehand…at least, not in any movies _I've_ seen.
    
    Dib finally runs over to the console, beat up and out of breath.
    
    Dib:  Where…are they?  They won't…get away with this!
    
    Gaz:  Get away with what?  They were just talking.
    
    Zim (running over and grabbing Gaz):  Talking?!  About what?!  What do you _knooooow_?!
    
    Gaz:  Get off me, space boy, if you want to keep your eyes.
    
    KidK:  Don't worry, Zim, they didn't tell us anything important.
    
    Dib:  I missed…my one chance…oh, the predictability of it all!  (he looks preoccupied)  And I think I lost a tooth.
    
    KidK:  Zim, did you hit Dib?
    
    Zim:  No.  Well, yes, but I couldn't let him ruin everything.
    
    KidK:  That's no excuse.  Dib, lemme see your teeth.  Smile for me.  (she checks everything out)  No, you're OK.
    
    Dib:  Oh, good, cuz the last thing I need to worry about is braces.
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  Got a problem with braces?  (Mike's got them--just 'til March!  Yee!)
    
    Dib:  Well, yeah.  I don't want to look like a total dork, right?
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  I'll show _you_ a dork!
    
    Gir:  Can we eat cake now?
    
    KidK:  Oh, yeah, good idea Gir!  Pass out the plates and I'll serve up that gorgeous green cake of yours!
    
    'Nny:  I'll take mine to go, if you don't mind.
    
    KidK:  Aw, how come?
    
    'Nny:  Well, it's getting really late, so your parents'll probably be home soon, right?
    
    KidK:  Yeah…so?
    
    'Nny:  Well your father doesn't know me and I don't think your mother likes me much, so I figure it's best that I not be here when they come in.
    
    KidK:  If that's what you want.  Hey, Gir, give 'Nny a piece and a fork.  We'll go upstairs and I'll wrap it up for you.
    
    Gir:  Here ya go, Johnny-hair-man!
    
    'Nny and KidK head upstairs, where she gets out the cellophane and makes a neat little package of the cake.
    
    KidK:  Just wait one more second, OK?  I've got something for ya.  (she runs off to her room and returns with a cassette tape)  Here, for you!
    
    'Nny (reading the side):  'J & K's Tape of Pointless Happiness.'  As in 'Johnny and KidK?'
    
    KidK:  Yeah!  See, cuz you said your favorite kind of music is the kind that's totally pointless, but that has, and I quote, 'a pervasive message of happiness that just isn't present in much of today's music.'  I made a compilation of some of the happiest and most pointless songs ever made, from Aqua to J-pop to 80s rock!  I hope you like it.
    
    'Nny:  Yeah, this is really nice!  I'll listen to it while I draw Happy Noodle Boy.  Oh, but that reminds me--I've still got your other tape.  Don't worry, I'll get it back to you tomorrow.  (he glances at the clock)  I mean today.  You guys have fun, OK, and I'll see you soon.
    
    KidK:  Very soon.  ^_^
    
    They walk to the door, and KidK waits until her friend is out of sight before going back downstairs to the party.  She is only slightly shocked to find the lab a mess, with cake and frosting all over the place.  Zim and Dib are locked in a heated argument, while Gaz and Mike are locked in digital combat.  Gir, who is covered with a coating of wrapping paper, cherry brainfreezy, and glitter, is dancing and singing at the top of his lungs.
    
    Gir:  Heeeeeey, Macarena!  Aiight!
    
    Gaz:  No, doofus, that'll _never_ work against me!  What kindofa defense is _that_?
    
    Mike-the-Brother:  The good kind!  Bring it on!
    
    Dib:  No, you shut up!
    
    Zim:  No, _you_ shut up!
    
    KidK:  Ah, my friends.  I'm really gonna miss this place.
    
    _The End_
    
    _Well, No, Not Really.  There's An Epilogue Coming, So Watch Out!_


	3. Epilogue--Across the Miles

No Need For KidK!

An Invader Zim Fanfiction by KidKourage

_Epilogue--Across the Miles_

          This story is getting awfully long, isn't it?  Well, I hope you've enjoyed reading it at least a fraction of as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  This is one of my personal favorites, you see, because it's been partially based on a really good dream.  Is it wrong to feel nostalgic for things that never happened and can never happen?  All I know is, there are a lot of songs that I can't listen to lately without conjuring up a mental image of a scene from one of these stories.  I'm crazy, I know, but I'm also the creative force behind a surprisingly well-received series of fanfics, so forgive me and shut up.

This epilogue introduces a new character!  So I have to add to my original disclaimer!  Diane is not my real roommate.  She's loosely _based_ on my roommate, but is about 3,872 times worse.  Over the summer, when Mike and I were joking that I'd probably get a ditzy, braindead roommate, I named this fictional person Diane (I don't know why, and if any of you are named Diane please don't take offense--I have no problem with real-life Dianes in any way).  So, you could say that I _do_ own Diane, since there are only vague similarities between her and my real roommate, who shall remain nameless.  The boyfriend thing is the absolute truth, though.   And her little pal, Cheyenne, _is_ my roommate's best friend, only renamed.  Got all that?  OK, good, now let's put this puppy to bed!

The scene is KidK's newly furnished dorm room at the fabulous Douglass College in New Brunswick, New Jersey, on August 31!  It's on the third floor of a residence hall, and let me remind you, heat rises.  Therefore, it is extremely hot inside the room, which is very, very small (the smallest rooms on campus--gasp!).  Out in the hallway, one can hear the delighted giggles of KidK's fellow Douglass Scholars (the honors program) getting to know their roommates and neighbors.  KidK, however, is busy with a little project of her own, and is taking very little interest in her own roommate, Diane, who is currently on the phone to her boyfriend back home.

Diane:  Oooooh, Damey!  I can't wait to _see_ you next weekend!  We'll have _sooooo_ much fun together!  Now, here's a list of the things I need you to bring to my house so I can bring 'em up here when I come back.  I need you to give me back my old CD player and--(pause)  What?!  Why _can't_ you?!  What do you _mean_ it won't fit in your trunk?!  Oh, that's so mean!  Say you'll bring it!  (pause)  Say it!  (pause)  Come on, Damey!  (pause)  Come _on_!  (pause)  OK, I love yooooou, my little cutie Damien…smoochy boy…

KidK (thinking):  _So the little creep has a boyfriend, eh?  Just as well, since she'll spend all her time talking to him instead of bothering **me**.  Though if she thinks she's going to blab and whine at him past midnight, she's got another thing coming!  Yeah, if she tries **that** I'll…well, I'll sigh heavily and glance meaningfully at the clock.  Darn me and my incredible shyness around people my own age!  Now let's see here, I should probably tack up a copy of my schedule in the middle…_

Diane:  Byyyyyyye, Damey!  Heehee, byebye!  (she hangs up the phone and decides to harass KidK for a while)  Ooooo, Melissa, what are you up to?  

KidK (in a slightly annoyed tone):  I'm decorating my bulletin board.  See, it's gonna go on the wall above my desk.  (thinking)  _Should I tell her not to call me Melissa?  Nah, KidK's reserved for **friends**, and I barely know this person._

Diane:  Oh, cool!  I did mine yesterday, since I got to move in a day early cuz I'm in sports!  See, it's got pictures of me and my Damey!  He's my boyfriend, you know.

KidK:  Yeah, I gathered that.

Diane:  So what're you going to put on your board, Melissa?

KidK:  Well, I've got these pictures from the party my friends threw for me a couple nights ago, so I was thinking of putting those on for now.

Diane:  Neat!  Can I see your pictures?  (what is it with girls and needing to look at each other's photographs?  What's the point if you have no idea who any of the people in them _are_?)

KidK:  Um, I suppose.  (thinking)  _No point in getting her mad this early in the game.  Anyway, she'd probably cry at me like she cried at poor Damien._  (she hands over the envelope of pictures)  My friend Gaz took most of 'em without my even knowing it.  She's a cunning one, that girl.  And about halfway through she gave the camera to my friend Gir, so the pictures after that are a little bit weird.

Diane:  Awww, lookit the little robot guy!  Oh that's so cute!  Is it like a toy?

KidK:  No, that's Gir.  He's got artificial intelligence.  (ironically) Very artificial.  But he's sweet and his heart--or whatever--is in the right place, so…

Diane:  How cuuuuuute!  He's dancing!  And who's this guy here with the glasses?  Is he your _boyfriend_?

KidK:  That's Dib.  He's not my boyfriend, at least partly because he'll only be in seventh grade this year.

Diane:  Oh, so he must be one of your friends' little brother, right?

KidK:  No, he's really my friend.  He might only be 12, but he's super smart.  He made me a brainfreezy machine as a going away present.

Diane (a glazed look in her eyes):  Ummmmm, what's a brainfreezy?

KidK (thinking):  _Oh, god, don't **tell** me…_

Diane (off on another tangent):  Uh ohhhhhh…

KidK:  Uh oh what?

Diane (sing-song):  I found your _boyfrieeeeeend_… (she holds up a picture of KidK hugging Zim in the elevator)  But he's so _short_!

KidK:  I hate to break it to you, but I don't _have_ a boyfriend.  That guy is Zim, my bestest friend in the entire world.

Diane (condescending):  Well, don't worry, that's how me and Damey started out too.  I'm sure you guys will be more than friends in no time!

KidK:  'More than friends?'  Don't you mean less?  (that's what 'Nny said!  Remember?!)

Diane:  Whaaaaaat?

KidK (thinking):  _Not even gonna try…_

Diane:  He _is_ kinda cute though…if only he were taller…(she flips to another picture)  Oooooo, who's this you're singing with?  Now _he's_ tall!

KidK:  Oh, you mean Johnny?  He's really only a few inches taller than _me_, he just _looks_ a lot taller cuz he's all in black.  (thinking)  _Oh, please don't say--_

Diane:  I'll bet he's the one!  Your _boyfriend_!

KidK:  No.  Like I said before, I don't have a boyfriend.  We're all simply friends here.

Diane:  Now that you mention it, he _is_ a bit too skinny--and look at that _hair_!  I'd simply _die_ if my Damey looked as wacky!

KidK (thinking):  _No, but you'd probably die if 'Nny ever found out what you just said…_

Diane:  Hey, these pictures are all funny!  What's this supposed to be?

KidK:  That must be when Gaz gave Gir the camera.  I think he took a picture of the cake he made.  And that's one of the ceiling.

Diane:  The little robot made you a cake?  That's sweeeeeet!  Oh, and this must be that girl Gaz you were talking about, right?  I can tell because she wasn't in any of the other pictures.

KidK (thinking sarcastically):  _Well my, aren't **you** clever!_  Yeah, that's her.

Diane:  Oh, I just love her hair!  And who's this guy?  Is he your--

KidK:  Brother.  He's my brother.  You _met_ him today.

Diane (dismissively):  Oh him.  Well, here's your pictures back!  I'm gonna call Cheyenne now!  She's my friend from sports, you know.

KidK:  OK, sounds good.  (thinking)  _Just please don't talk to **me** anymore._

Meanwhile, back at KidK's house, Zim is having somewhat similar problems of his own.

Zim:  Give that back, monkey boy!

Mike-the-Brother:  Haha, I've got your pictures!  Zim and KidK sittin' in a tree…

Zim:  Shut up!  Just give me those pictures!

Mike-the-Brother:  What're you so _embarrassed_ about, Zim?  Unless you _like_ my _sister_ or something…

Zim:  Do you wish to be a pile of ash?  Because that's what I'll reduce you to if you don't give me those photos right _now_!

Mike-the-Brother:  Okay, okay, no reason to get so worked up.  Here you go.  

Mike hands over the strip of sticker pictures, and Zim stomps off to the lab, where Gir is busily turning the mess from the party into a slightly worse mess of soap and Orange Clean.

Gir:  Hiiiii, master!  Whatcha got there?

Zim:  None of your business.

Gir:  Aw, don't be mad, master!  I didn't do nothin'!

Zim:  Hmf.  Not even as if I _care_ about what that silly girl does…(suddenly, the 'incoming call' light on his wrist communicator starts flashing)  Hello, KidK?

KidK (speaking into her communicator):  Who else would it be?  How're you doing, Zimmy?

Zim:  Oh, just fine, just fine.  Tell me, do you mind if I melt your brother's ears off?

KidK:  Yes I mind!  What'd he do?

Zim:  He was annoying me to no end about these sticker pictures we made.

KidK:  I'll yell at him when I call Mom's cell phone in a little while.  Other than that, is everything OK?

Zim (unconvincingly):  Yeah, just great!  And with you?

KidK (equally unconvincingly):  Of course, everything's peachy up here.  The room's a little hot, but that's nothing I can't live with and--

Zim (cutting in):  Just because we made these pictures doesn't mean I _like_ you or anything!

KidK:  I know.  I don't like you either.  But that doesn't mean we can't be friends, right?

Zim:  Right.  So…

KidK:  So…

The conversation quickly deteriorates into an uncomfortable silence.  The two shuffle their feet a little and search for something to say.  Then suddenly--

KidK:  Zim?

Zim (at the same moment):  KidK?

KidK and Zim:  ………I miss you.

_The End_

__

Diane (off in the background):  Are you talking to your _boyfriend_?


End file.
